Today, for the first time in my life, i actually wished, I mean really wished, from the bottom of my heart that there was a God and a soul and a life after death. Just for my cat; that’s all. Just so that she would continue to live more, so that all the wonderful things she is don’t just die when she does. For this creature to just cease to exist – that would be an outrage, a real tragedy, a loss that just cannot be accepted. I imagined the light just going off inside of her and her just being completely, irrevocably GONE without a trace, never to be known to anybody again. And also, maybe I just wanted more time with her, because we never have enough time with our pets do we? And I don’t mean just any pet – I mean that one pet that completely has your heart, the one mysterious creature that you would do anything to protect, even want to do better in life so that they can have a good life – that kind of pet. I don’t have enough time with her and i know i never will – because I’ll never be able to communicate with her the way i do with a human, i won’t be able to tell her just how much I love her and I won’t be able to talk her into being a lap cat.
We do talk a lot though – I tell her “I love you” at least a few times a day and she mrrreews back; sometimes she mews at me in her tiny voice, staring at me, her azure blue eyes wide and focused, as if trying to communicate something of the utmost importance and then there is a flash of sadness as if she can tell she failed. She talks a lot this cat, many different ways but i never doubted that that was what she was doing – talking to me in her own way.
So yeah, today i was hugging this soft, beautiful, amazing piece of heaven and i wished she wouldn’t just get swollen by the dark.